I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
