okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
