One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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