I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
