I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
