if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
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I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.