Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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