Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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