I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
