If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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