our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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