he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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