He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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