i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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