Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
