I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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