dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
