My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
