I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
