my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
