Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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