bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
