so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
