discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
