I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
