Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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