Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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