so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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