i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize