I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize