Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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