2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
