Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
