Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
