I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
