Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
