Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
