I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
