So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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