Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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