Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
