You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
