Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
