Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
