I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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