So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
two words: eviction party
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
