Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
