By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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