don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
