the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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