so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
