Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize