i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize