wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
