just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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