You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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