All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
