Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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