Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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