He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
