I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
