Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
