so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
